Phoenix's Sorrows
by gdesertsand
Summary: MemoriesAU. The mythical zoan fruit of the phoenix has many gifts and curses. One particular curse that Marco hates the most was that he was unable to forget no matter how many times he was reborn.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: 'Fickle' is the perfect word to describe my personality. So! I present to you a new story that is part of MemoriesAU!**

 **Title:** Phoenix's Sorrows

 **Author:** gdesertsand

 **Summary:** The mythical zoan fruit of the phoenix has many gifts and curses. One particular curse that Marco hates the most was that he was unable to forget no matter how many times he was reborn.

 **Disclaimer: I do not own any anime, manga, or songs!**

 **Chapter 1:** Phoenix Marco

If someone asked him what part of being a phoenix he hated the most was that the part where he was unable to forget. No matter how many times he was reborn he would always remember the life before it and the life before everything. To the life where he lost everything. The difference was that after he was reborn for the second time his powers to heal himself and to fly were taken away from him. But the fruit was embedded deep within his soul and forever haunt him with its curses.

Phoenix Marco, as how the current Edward Newgate named him, was happy that for the tenth time he was reborn he was finally reunited with his family. Of course he needed to be careful around them or else they might stay away from him. His Pops never changed, he was still the kind soul that Marco used to know. The wealthy man even build an orphanage under the name of 'Whitebeard'.

Yes, it was Marco who had suggested the name and his father humored his idea. His siblings though pestered him for a whole week why Marco chose such name when it was a known fact that their Oyaji had a mustache and not a beard.

Some things never changed, that was what Marco realized when fifteen of his formerly known commanders started to live under the same roof. Thatch still loved to prepare foods for the family and him and Marco became best buddies. Izo devoted himself in the line of arts and fashion. The crossdresser was plain happy that he got such an accepting family about his preferences.

Though Marco should have known that this happiness would come to an end.

It was night time and Marco was silently cursing Thatch for getting himself drunk and making the former first division commander to drag his drunken ass home. Grand Line City was not known for its peaceful night. If Marco would pick a name for it then night time in this city was when deadly and foolish pirates came out to kill someone.

That was when Marco killed.

No one blamed him. The police even dubbed it as an act of self-defense but Marco was having none of it.

That night he met Teach and his gang.

Everything came back at once to Marco. That night when Thatch was bleeding on the wooden floor of the Moby Dick, body was too cold to be revived. So when Teach and his goons attacked them, Marco only saw red. When he came back to his senses he saw corpses surrounding, his body covered in blood, and Thatch was a trembling mess on the corner of the alley.

Marco realized something that night. They were not pirates anymore. All of them were upstanding citizens of the society. Edward Newgate had a reputation to protect towards the public. One wrong move and one of his siblings could be taken to jail and have a record. He could have ruined the life of his whole family.

For the first time Marco was disgusted at himself for being a murderer. He was now Phoenix Marco, son of Edward Newgate, an older brother who should be the one keeping peace inside the family, but what did he do? He ruined them.

He did not go out of his room for a week. Marco would never forget the look of terror on his siblings faces when they saw him covered in blood.

For a month he did not made any contact towards his family. If Marco could help it he was staying outside their home as much as he could. He made it sure that no one would see him with any of his family so that his father and his siblings would not be called as someone related to a cold hearted murderer liked him. He went to places here and there, nothing in particular and he did not linger for long in one place.

After two months since the incident Marco took an exam to the farthest University he could find. Somewhere that was very far away from home where he could have a perfect excuse to stay in dormitories. He easily passed in One Piece University as a result.

The day that he took the train he only left a letter saying that he was going to study in the said school and he might not come back for a while.

Now on a cold winter night Marco was staring at the sky. He was holding a cheap canned of coffee to keep him warm as he lounge lazily on one of the benches in the park. Many times it the idea run inside his mind on how he should just end it all. Marco was seriously thinking about this when he heard awkward shuffling of feet beside him. Looking up his eyes widen at who was the person in front of him.

"Um…excuse…but, can I ask you a question?" the man was looking down, obviously too shy to talk to strangers.

But Marco was having no such ideas because…

Because this person was _Ace_.

The one and only person he had a heart wrenching longing to meet for so long now. Marco wanted to cry but that would only scare the poor young man away.

Because if Marco remembered everything, and he do mean _everything,_ this Ace remembered _nothing_.

And Marco should not have high hopes because this person might not even be the _Ace_ he was looking for.

" _Of course, how many centuries passed anyway? This meeting is too good to be true"_ Marco thought.

'Ace' finally had the courage to look at him in the eyes but the next words uttered came out in a rush, "Canyoushowthedirectionofthisaddressbecauseiseemtofindmyselflost."

"What?" was the intelligent reply Marco formed and 'Ace' got an intense shade of red on his face.

"N-nevermind, I'm sorry for disturbing." He bowed and was about to moved away when Marco called him.

"No, really, you did not disturb me. Now, what were you asking again?"

That was the first time that Marco met Gol D Ace, a funny scenario that could only be seen in chick flick movies. With some mixed emotions inside his heart Marco started his walked towards his dormitory.

He just did not expect another surprise. For right in front of the school dormitory was his whole family waiting for him. All of them were not happy.

This spells disaster for Marco.

When he was a good distance towards them Thatch did not waste time to punch him right on the face. Marco staggered backward. Thatch had no combat experience but that punch was much stronger than his previous ones, still it did not hurt Marco but the blond just stared at his brother and best friend. Another punch was about to thrown at him and instincts kicked in. in a blinked of an eye Marco was pinning Thatch on the ground. He only loosened his grip when he saw tears running down their family chef's face.

"Why did you leave us?" the sobbing voiced of his brother broke his musings.

"I thought you hate me?"

"Idiot…"

 **A/N: Love it? Hate it? Don't forget to review!**


	2. Chapter 2: Family

**Chapter 2:** Family

It was a 12 hour drive from the University to their home. Some of his siblings took the train while others brought their own car or motorcycle. Marco owned his own motorcycle but it was left in the dormitory's parking lot. The silent stare from his father was enough for him to understand that he should take a seat on the car where Whitebeard himself was going to use as transportation. Jozu was their driver with Thatch beside him. The chef was still furiously trying to dry his tears but failed miserably.

Marco knew that those were tears of frustrations. He just not had the strength to comfort his brother.

From the corner of his eyes Marco could see that the three of them were itching to ask him some questions but probably all of them had the same questions so they were going to wait until they got home.

For that twelve hour silent ride it was already morning when they arrived. Izo and Haruta were the ones who opened the door for them. Their Father told them to take a rest and everything would be discussed until they got at least three hours of sleep or until the clock strike ten. Marco nodded and was about to get in his room when Thatch stopped him by grabbing his arm forcefully.

"Where are you going?" the question was asked with such venom that Marco thought if he answered wrong then he might found himself dodging a lot of sharp objects.

But still, questions needed to be answered.

"To my room, yoi. Pops said we should get some rest, right? Or did you guys made it into a storage room?" he tried, he really tried to lighten the mood because it was so suffocating but considering that Marco was the reason of such atmosphere it did not slice the awkwardness at all.

Thatch glared at him while Izo chuckled mockingly behind them.

"As if we could do that, Marco. No, all of us are going to sleep in the living room." To prove Izo's statement he opened the door and revealed several sleeping bags and blankets laid on the living room's wooden floor. The sofa and armchairs were discarded to the side of the room.

"Aren't we too old to sleep together, yoi?"

Thatch was still not loosening his grip on Marco's arm when he answered, "This way you will never had a chance to run away."

If Marco interpreted it wrong then he might be out of practice. Yeah, right, Phoenix Marco who was taking Psychology interpreted the meaning behind his brother's words.

" _No running away this time, coward."_

"Then at least let me use the bathroom."

This time the gripped loosened and Marco went to where he had said he was going. When he opened the lights and faced the mirror he stared at himself then turned the faucet on to wash his face.

"You know that I can't get out of the house considering that everyone was on high alert, right Izo?" he dried his face with a towel and didn't bother at all to look at Izo who was leaning on the doorframe outside the bathroom.

"I still don't get it how you could know who and when you were being followed."

"It's a talent I guess, yoi."

"Quit the bullshit, Marco. You know very well what kind of situation you are in right now, right?"

Marco was rummaging on the cabinet when he found a razor blade. He did not know what prompted him to do it. Maybe it was the idea to make his own family to leave him alone, to stay away from as far as possible, or to completely make them to detach whatever strings were binding them to Marco. Because no matter how Marco was happy to have his family back he could never belong to them and no matter how ordinary he tried to act it would never be the same.

The reason was he remembered _everything_ and they remembered _nothing._

For Marco, in every life he had lived there was always, _always_ the time where he killed people. Be it may in war or in self-defense or to protect someone. The fact would always remain the same that he was already tainted. Marco would never have a second chance but his family _deserved_ a second chance.

Izo could be the artist he wanted to be. His name could be known throughout the world of arts and fashions.

Thatch could be a known chef as a career.

Haruta was already showing skills in theater act.

Vista could make a name as a magician.

Jozu could use his ability to appraise important gems in any way he could think of.

His brothers could do a lot of things in the future. Now that they were no longer outcasts of the society.

Marco…Marco was a different case. He would always be different because he was forever cursed with the memories. No thanks for the phoenix who was still swimming inside his already damned soul.

Izo was sure that he did not close his eyes. He was damned sure that he was on high alert on every moved that Marco made. So why didn't he noticed his older brother approaching him? It was already too late when Izo did. The next thing he knew was a cold, sharp metal was being pressed over his jugular vein.

"Izo, do you know what kind of situation you guys are in now?"

His eyes widened in fear for a fraction. Even though Marco still sported his lazy face the eyes told another tale. It was the eyes of someone who was not going to think twice in slicing Izo's throat open.

In five seconds Izo's life flashed through his eyes.

"I guess you don't, yoi." Marco sighed and put the razor blade inside the pocket of his purple jacket.

As Marco walked away Izo was staring blankly on the wall in front of him. Slowly he slid down the floor and held his throat.

What was wrong with Marco?

Those were the eyes of a soldier that killed a thousand times.

 _It's a matter of everything and nothing_.

* * *

Ten in the morning and everyone sat on the dining table with Thatch serving their brunch. Their Oyaji was eating his food like it was the same old ordinary day and the rest didn't even bother to conceal their staring and glaring towards their first adopted brother.

When Whitebeard finished his meal and took the mug down on the table was enough to open the conversation that everyone wanted to participate a long time ago.

"Two months, Son. You did not let us see you or even talked to you for two months. Then suddenly I would found a letter on my desk saying that my eldest was living? I'm old enough to know Marco that you were not planning to come back at all. Now, my question is…why?"

The rest of them waited for an answer. Meanwhile, Marco was taking his sweet time in answering by playing with his fork.

"Huh…I guess I made a lot of mistake…" he finally said but still not making eye contact to any of them.

"You could say that again." Vista commented, his arms crossed over his chest.

"Yeah…I should have not left that letter. If I didn't then you wouldn't know where I am or better yet I should have not gone in the University. I should have travelled here and there." _From somewhere you could not find me._ Was the underlying message.

All of his siblings as taken aback on the animosity Marco was showing to them. One of them recovered and clutched Marco's collar shirt, forcing the blond to shift his body upward a bit. Thatch had a lot of pent up frustrations that needed to be released and the only thing that would make him feel better was to vent it out to his Marco.

"What the hell is wrong with you?!"

"What is wrong with me?" Marco returned the glare with his sardonic one and stood up to match their heights, "What is wrong with all of you?! How many times should I push all of you away?! You don't need someone like me in your life! What else should I do for you to get the message? Should I have just killed Izo hours ago for you to understand it?!"

Silence…for a minute silence followed the outburst of emotions.

"What did you say about Izo?" Fossa asked. Cigar almost fell off from his numb fingers.

Marco's dead eyes focused on the brother that asked the question.

"I pinned Izo on the wall with a blade pressed over his throat." It was stated like he was saying the earth was revolving around the sun, that it was as if it was already a common knowledge.

"Are you hearing yourself at all?" Jozu felt that bits and pieces of Marco's sanity were dissolving in a sea of oblivion.

"Yes, I am. The question is, do you guys know what you getting yourself into when you taken me back in here?"

For the second time Marco was punched again. This punched was followed by another and another one and another one, until he was lying on the ground and he tasted the blood inside his mouth. Actually the metallic taste had a mixed of saltiness and in a blurred vision of the fists flying towards him Marco realized that it was Thatch's tears. Really, their chef was turning into a cry baby now.

"Thatch! Stop it" it was Izo who forced the barraged of punches to be put on halt.

Why did Izo stop Thatch? Did Izo not get his 'stay away from me message' also?

"Marco," Izo spoke but he did not meet the eyes of his blond brother, "Earlier you said that you thought we hated you. Why did you say that?"

Without a second thought he answered it, "Because that it was what you supposed to feel."

"Why?"

Thatch was breathing hard and Izo let him to lean on his chest. Izo tried his best to calm him down as he tried to make sense on Marco's actions.

"Because I'm a murderer. I'm already tainted. I don't need all of you to be drowned with me."

From that Whitebeard finally intervened. Actions may do speak louder than words but there were things that could only be expressed in words.

"Marco, blood may already be on your hands but it was not blood that bind us together, son."

Marco shifted his gaze towards his Father when he heard him spoke. The look was enough to bring tears in his eyes.

"Killing is a sin and even I will never deny it. No matter what was the reason, killing will always be a sin and you would carry it for forever. For how long it might take."

It might sound insensitive and some wanted to protest but those people shut their mouths when they saw the eyes of their Oyaji and the message he wanted to convey to his first son.

"…But, Marco, this burden that you carry…you can share it with us you know? If you are going insane then your brothers and I will anchor you back. If you think the waves and the winds are too cruel for you then we are here to help you sail your ship as smoothly as possible. If your hands are tainted and no amount of washing will make it clean again, then we will be here and paint it with another color. The thing is, Marco, we are _family_ and _family_ will _always be by your side_."

"We don't care if you coated your hands with blood. You protected my life. The only thing that I can promise you is that I will try my best to prevent you in taking another man's life, no matter how much the guy deserves it." Thatch said in a ragged breath.

"You know, Marco, there are lots of colors when an art is being created, right? There are this dark colors and there are the light ones. Both are needed together to form some blending. It will only depend on the artist on what outcome it will have. There are times an artist might get some injuries but we will always be here to heal the wounds."

"In _real_ stories there are no perfect protagonist or antagonist, you know?" Haruta voiced out his own encouragements, "A soldier protagonist could be a ruthless killer in a battlefield but when he comes home he would be crowned as a hero. That was because he did it to _protect_."

"So, Marco, son, you are not alone. You're not a cold hearted murderer that you think you are. You are my son, and you are their brother."

The only thing that Marco could do after such speeches was to let the tears fall down his face and stare silently on the ceiling.

 _A long, long time ago there was a Phoenix_

 _The Phoenix always sings the songs of sorrows_

 _For the Phoenix will always remember everything_

 _And the humanity will remember nothing._

 _Tired of being alone the Phoenix wished to share its sorrows_

 _The phoenix said, "I will grant my power to whoever found me but in exchange that person must accompany me."_

 _So the young man who accepted the Phoenix's gifts unknowingly accepted its curses._

 _Forever the young man will share the Phoenix's Sorrows_


	3. Important Notice!

**Important Notice For Those Who Are Waiting For Me To Update My Fics!**

Okay! For those who are still waiting for me to update my One Piece fics then I apologized to all of you but it may take a really, really, really, really, **really,** _ **really**_ , long while for it to happen. You see, I got addicted to Hetalia and can't get out of the fandom. Then I am currently focused on my studies. Also, I forgot how my One Piece fics supposed to happen so it may take me a while to remember it. But! I'll give some stories of mine that will surely be updated or not in the near future!

 **Daddy is the New Title:** I may be able to post the final chapter of this someday but the sequels were another question and have a chance of not being posted but I still will try if I can.

 **Corazon the Clown Doll:** Okay...for this one...I seriously forget how this will go on... I mean, I can't remember what was I thinking when I wrote the first chapter! But rest assured that I will not abandon this because when I read the first chapter again I said to myself "Hey, the idea was not that bad I guess...Let me think about it."

 **Phoenix's Sorrows** and **Regrets of the Past, Amends of the Present:** Both of these were first posted in my AO3 account under the same name. It was a series under the title of **'Memories of the Past, Steps in the Present'**. I also what stories will follow this first two. But! I know I still have something to write in PS and RotP,AotP so these two might be updated in the near future.

 **My Sick Heart:**...Might not be continued and if I can't remember how the story should go then I might delete it.

 **Haunted Freedom:**...Might be rewritten or deleted or can be put up for adoption

 **In these Blood Drops we Start to Crumble:**...Might be rewritten or deleted or can be put up for adoption

 **I know it's Sin but I want You Back:**...Might be rewritten or deleted or can be put up for adoption

For those who are waiting for my _other_ _fics_ to be updated (Ao no Exorcist, D Gray Man, KHR, and Eyeshield 21) well...those might have a chance of not being updated anymore. It might be deleted or if there are people who are willing to adopt them then send me a PM.


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